My first thought as I finally settle quietly and begin to breathe is that I am too big to be comfortable. I feel heavy boned and bound by my physicality. I feel like I take up too much space, that I am too wide, too heavy on the ground to ever “lift off” and I want to feel light enough to sit comfortably long enough to soar. The feelings of heaviness cause me to criticize myself and I do for a bit…

But it passes. There are glimpses of peace. I move through some self loathing. Unpleasant memories bob up. I remember to be kind to myself as I would to all creatures. It passes.

Only breathing keeps me calm…in and out… letting the binding thoughts go…

(Blind criticism is so deeply constricting…it’s a way of being tied down. If it comes, you must use it, work with it, tease it out, ignore it, or follow it into its labyrinth until it disappears and is no longer relevant…..)

All of these things are going on at the same time; holding on, letting go, refusing to care, caring too much….

But it all moves as I stay still. I see that I need to be still in order for everything to move.

This thought makes me happy.

I believe we can fly.  And that we do. Meditation is a direct flight.

We fly in our minds when we feel free.

I am thinking that not only bodies are heavy but thoughts and feelings are also. They can weigh us down, and so can unmindful words. I feel heavy with my negative thoughts, heavy with my negative words. I begin to feel heavy having any thoughts at all. They keep coming…I keep breathing and smiling. At some indecipherable point I power lift through a heavy bale of thoughts, push my arms up and out, and the thoughts are cast off, my mind is quiet, my head is tilted back in an imaginary wind, and I am free-floating, free-falling, buoyant and light as the air inside feathers.

“I believe I can fly”.

At the other end of the winding road of my thoughts there really is a pot of gold shining under a rainbow.