every time

Hidden keys to a truth bop up into my oceanic consciousness/gilded messengers light as air;

offering up clarity and honest appraisal/as monkey mind teases through a problem in order to be quieted.

Golden Keys! New layers of meaning. Deeper understanding. In seeing what is – one makes room for that most graceful of components – Acceptance. Maybe even, blessed Forgiveness…:)

Doors of perception open wordlessly….my consciousness is awed by what lies

just beyond…..

My spirit rejoices to feel it’s divine connection to all!

Nothing ever looks the same again.


“There is a story of a woman running away from tigers.

She runs and runs and the tigers are getting closer and closer.

When she comes to the edge of a cliff she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.

Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life, it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat [or the last]. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.”

This story is from the brilliant Pema Chodrun.

Tigers above, tigers below.

This is the story my hands picked when I closed my eyes to choose a story from the pocket Pema Chodrun in the morning quiet. I sat back and smiled with recognition upon reading it. My fragile Dad is in the hospital this weekend with pneumonia. We know that there are tornados and sunami’s. Earthquakes. Wars. All happening right now. I/we have friends with cancer and friends with love troubles and friends with clinically depressed kids. This morning my back is out/i’m shuffling slowly and a front tooth lost it’s temporary crown last night while out/fun!/NOT a good look and to be honest I am a wee bit hungover…and i am feeling the acute penultimate fragility of organic life…..and it hurts…

 i walk about. I think. I drink some water. I have tea. Many cups.

And then I remember. 🙂

It is May Day!!!

and I look and see

that the bluejays are drinking from the bird bath and the sun is shining and the lilacs are about to pop and the cardinals sing in the mock orange and the king cat of our house Shariff is very slowly coming to accept our new baby kitten Prince Shiloh…who endlessly  romps and tumbles and falls over backwards clutching imagined bits of dust and we laugh and we laugh

and I remember what Seneca said: Life is long if you know how to use it.”

So we go in the kitchen and we cut up strawberries and we go outside

and we eat them. And i feel better. 🙂

Happy May Day dearest readers….enjoy!

Don’t forget to kiss the May Queen and curtsy to the May King…:))))

(Who are of coursesimply the ground beneath our feet.):))))))

Blessed Be

with love always



What a beautifully synchronistic number. 🙂

I am loving the magic of symmetry. Of things lining up.

Not in a rigid, inflexible, unsupple way, but rather in an organic, elemental way. Like music and swimming.

Out for a run in the emerald evening dusk tonight, I felt myself hit a stride,  a oneness with breath and body, where the air itself was no less essential, crucial, or powerful than my muscles and I, no longer silent and invisible but rather, vocal, and equally powerful, my friend, and it was blowing my mind. There was a physical/emotional/mental recognition/a precognition of the biological source of all that we are, and how far our insanely sophisticated intellect has brought us. But when we stop, breathe, listen..we easily remember that pure symbiosis of Life is happening with all creatures and elements, continuously, flowing, moving, contracting, expanding and interacting

at all times.

Without Air I am nothing. Without Water I am nothing, without Sun, Earth, Humans, Plants, Stars…

I am nothing.

Could interconnectedness BE more obvious?

I am laughing with joy.

How could I live without these things I take utterly for granted? Clearly, I cannot! I am excited to recognize this in my body. In my heart and mind.

On the dark stretch of asphalt I am running I think about the long shadows (and tremendous accomplishments of course) that human pride and ‘progress’ and ingenuity have cast over the more delicate, non-verbal, but just as strong, elements: Earth, Air, Water, Fire (these include of course all earthly creatures and plants including other humans). We speak, and act as if the privilege of language should allow us exploitation and destruction. We use words and weapons and technology to exploit that which does not…speak…..or can be easily tamed, farmed, developed.

Diamonds and coal. Coffee and oil. Copper and sugar. Cars and cocaine. We produce and consume and drain, produce and consume and drain, to feed and satisfy ourselves.  And I get it, I use it all too, want it all, feel a right to it all….But tonight….the air, is speaking to me, using it’s voice to ask me to be aware and to appreciate its gorgeous life giving molecules…I am relishing the air and it is ravishing…it asks me to take better care…to be more conscientious in my choices…

And precious water, full of life and singing it’s sweet ballad, it talks to me when I guzzle it down in gratitude, full of thirst, a thirst that only cool crisp water can quench…

I am here for you, I love you. I give myself to you. Please take care of me as I take care of you…

Precious water, I hear you…and my molecules thank you….Thank you the water says….and flows on….

Human pride, dominating, driving it all ever onward, more spectacularly than our hunter forbears could ever have imagined…using EVERY resource possible to build its imagined dream or maybe that’s not true, maybe our glittering cities and erect, strong, leaping bodies were always there in the primeval imagination of our ancestors…the imagination that has taken us to so many places….:)

I experience this “awareness of symbiosis”, this “Oneness” I have read about so many times, as an absolute Truth.

Like so many before and so many after – I want to shout my vision from the rooftops, and join the ranks of problem solvers and pragmatists, dreamers and activists, visionaries, seekers all.

The Oneness that so many of us have sought, and blessedly sometimes found – why we meditate and sit under trees, and listen to the wind – our teachers have reassured us that it’s right here,

every time we take a breath.

Everything we ever need to know.

And my pumping heart and lungs affirm. Gratitude floods through me, at the top of the hill…catching my breath, gulping the air, slowing down…breathing.

For if I need you, and you need me, then we are responsible to each other and for each other. Our biological DNA tells us so…(Brother Plankton, Sister Air, I pledge to be a steward to your biological body as you are to mine. I pledge to care for you and treat you as my own kin ...)

Everything is mutual. We trash one, we trash the other. We nurture one, we nurture the other.

Let’s keep sending up smoke signals of love and hope and care for this world,

beautiful, vibrating, peaceful warriors!

It is not too late to learn to be better stewards of this Earth, and of each other.

Blessed Be, so mote it be.

L 🙂

We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation… – Florence Scovel Shinn

I cannot always control my thoughts. But I can decide to stop moving.

I cannot always control my thoughts. But I can decide to sit down.

I cannot always control my thoughts. But I can close my eyes, and begin to breathe.

This, is the repetition of a meditation practice.

Air air air….breath in, breath out….air…..molecules dancing…breath….sigh……ahhhhh~~~

I cannot control my thoughts but i decide to smile. Another breath….

In and out…


Already lighter. Already freer. Resting. Feeling the edges of gratitude….

There are a thousand distractions but no excuses.

Our new baby parakeets are chirping wildly. Ruby is on the couch on headphones, listening to music – laughing out loud to songs I cannot hear. The washer is going (a load of darks). Our housemate Gabby moves in and out, she’s watching Rome in the front room and I can hear Roman soldiers shouting faintly. There are lots of other things to do besides sit down and meditate for 30 minutes. (It’s usually 10, 15, 20 at the most.)

There are a million reasons but no excuses.

I can either choose to make the time to meditate or not. Today I choose to make the time. And it is hard, but it feels good…..

Why is it hard? I’m smiling again. Why IS IT HARD??

I really want to know.

My friend Kathe says “whatever gets in the way of the work is the work”.  Whatever it is about meditation that’s hard is the work and it is my job and my job alone to find out what that work is…

Wait a minute…maybe I’m hitting upon it now…meditation is hard, (and I mean hard) for most of us because it allows for the surfacing of the deep soul work we often have left to do in order to feel joy. If we felt joyful or peaceful all the time, there wouldn’t be much ‘spiritual’ work to do…we would already BE there, and perhaps meditation’s sweet, steady polishing of the soul would not really be necessary. I don’t know. But for most of us…there is still quite a bit…to …um…er…”work through” daily.

No, *sigh*, we don’t always feel joyous, or peaceful or accepting of ‘”what is”; how can we of course, with all we have going on, with all that the world has going on, and yet…and yet, in spite of everything, or maybe because of everything…shouldn’t we try to get there?

Don’t we owe it to ourselves?

Time passes. Ruby asks me how to spell something. Breathing.

In my quiet inner mind’s eye something shifts and in the ‘sinking into being” I begin to feel carried…supported by the Breath, the Life force, the Universe, Breath – the only God i really know of for certain…

Meditation creates an inner confidence that allows us to relax into the embrace of the Universe.

Meditation creates an inner confidence and peace that is then in turn, supported by the Universe, because in the quiet of beingness we AUTOMATICALLY join the great flow, the river that runs through us, every single one of us, every moment, for all eternity. In this river there is no Time. There is no Loss. There is only Everything that ever was, Everything that is, and Everything that ever will be. And for all of this, there is only Love.

In meditation I realize that there is NO NEED to be covetous of time, or love. Of attention or recognition. I have everything I need to be able to love the world with my whole heart.

Everything I need to love everything.

That’s all.

And it is




“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” – Plutarch

With reflection I see that without reflection I would not understand, I would not fully grasp, the work I have yet to do…

Without reflection and quiet I would not see the ‘gems’ that lie within, (the creative potentials within every single one of us) to be brought forth and worked and developed and loved and polished until they shine…

When I am quiet, and still….

When I am quiet. and. still –

All that needs mending comes rushing to the surface.

When I am quiet and still                                                                                                            all that needs tending comes rushing                                                                                    to the surface…

In the stillness I am forced to recalibrate time, the time I will need, to do the mending……………click click

ahhhh. That’s right…I have all the time in the world……I have all the energy I will ever need, to live, and to be useful and to love….

The Blue Pearl, the Diamond, the core gem of the meditation process is the recalibration of time straight into the center of beingness. Right Now. For real.

This peace IS what Love is. When we feel loved and are loving, we are generally kind. Kindness =Love. Right there that changes the world. 🙂

All the time in the world…..all the time in the world, stress ain;t sexy…..stress ain’t cool ……..ahooooooooooobreathingyeah…….RELAXING>>>>>>>>>>>>

Breath:……. air, delicious, light, fluffy AIR dancing in between the molecules of the thoughts in my mind…coming home to rest from thought is the only thought…home….

Polishing the gems from the mine                                                                                           of my mind.

From my hands

pearls fall

to the Earth.

My first thought as I finally settle quietly and begin to breathe is that I am too big to be comfortable. I feel heavy boned and bound by my physicality. I feel like I take up too much space, that I am too wide, too heavy on the ground to ever “lift off” and I want to feel light enough to sit comfortably long enough to soar. The feelings of heaviness cause me to criticize myself and I do for a bit…

But it passes. There are glimpses of peace. I move through some self loathing. Unpleasant memories bob up. I remember to be kind to myself as I would to all creatures. It passes.

Only breathing keeps me calm…in and out… letting the binding thoughts go…

(Blind criticism is so deeply constricting…it’s a way of being tied down. If it comes, you must use it, work with it, tease it out, ignore it, or follow it into its labyrinth until it disappears and is no longer relevant…..)

All of these things are going on at the same time; holding on, letting go, refusing to care, caring too much….

But it all moves as I stay still. I see that I need to be still in order for everything to move.

This thought makes me happy.

I believe we can fly.  And that we do. Meditation is a direct flight.

We fly in our minds when we feel free.

I am thinking that not only bodies are heavy but thoughts and feelings are also. They can weigh us down, and so can unmindful words. I feel heavy with my negative thoughts, heavy with my negative words. I begin to feel heavy having any thoughts at all. They keep coming…I keep breathing and smiling. At some indecipherable point I power lift through a heavy bale of thoughts, push my arms up and out, and the thoughts are cast off, my mind is quiet, my head is tilted back in an imaginary wind, and I am free-floating, free-falling, buoyant and light as the air inside feathers.

“I believe I can fly”.

At the other end of the winding road of my thoughts there really is a pot of gold shining under a rainbow.


Gorgeous Full Moon last night.

The Full Sturgeon Moon – risen up over the land, full of the powerful energy of promise…bringing a current of electricity that is palpable and divine surging through my veins.

Sitting in the dark, meditating in front of my glowing owl lamp, I am flooded with a profound awareness manifested in one phrase that repeats, slowly, purposefully, soberly, over and over again:

I am….so….fortunate. I am….so….fortunate…..I AM


To be alive. To be whole. To have eyes that see. To have healthy cells. Blood & bone, for now…for now…to have feet and hands….a beating heart. To have given birth to a healthy child. To taste, to swallow. To feel. To be aware. None of this is taken for granted. None of this is permanent. Everything can and will change. But for this moment, for this moment, every part of my being is experiencing

well being.  And that is a gift. A gift not to be taken lightly.


My brain begins to list the blessings of the known world, it is endless, it is infinite….the things I am grateful for…

earth air water fire

stars and shell and bone and grass and sun and light moon and night skin and touch lips and kisses words music wind and sand animals humans poems beauty ugliness children love pain sorrow- that which is broken that which is whole that which is new that which is old, what has come and gone, what will never come again and what will come that is known and unknown. The mystery. Every detail as sweet as plums and astonishing.

In the face of such blessings other thoughts come that cause my face to flood with humility and bend down.  An awareness of the responsibility that comes with health, on every level; an awareness that those who are able to do the work that must be done to ‘repair the world’ (as they say in the Kabbalah) must do that work. MUST be of service. Must.

The super heroes are not the naturally strong, not the uber fit and beautiful, not the cocky and confident and brilliant ones, the burning man beauties…no…though we worship them as gods…

The heroes are every single creature and human who face the day without this or that faculty, without wellness, without wellbeing, with handicaps, with illness, the sick and the lost and the heartbroken and dying. That includes us, when we are challenged with such hardships, that includes us, when we get up and face what is, when we commit to life over and over again each day, not knowing if or when we will ever feel or be, whole again.

Responsible. Listening the hearbeat of the world. Paying attention. Loving what is, and doing everything in our power to make it better. Wearing our gratitude on the outside.  Sharing who we are, hoping that it helps.

Blessed be.  Blessed, blessed


Whatever will be will be.

The truth will set you free.

There is no other thing to do knowing this                                                                       than to set the heart ablaze with love 

for every known and unknown thing in this Universe.

Go down in steadfastness. Cultivate the steady fire.

Ask yourself if you have been brave enough to be happy.

I am the rain.

I am the grass.

The rain and I are one.

A man and a woman are one.

A woman and a woman are one.

A man and a woman and the rain are one.

A man and a man and the grass are one.

I fly as the bird flies, soaring lightly over all….

I am the bird.

Wistful no more.
Want for nothing.
It is all right here.

I am all of it.
All of it
is me.
How could i possibly need

anything else?

Take the ego out of things and there is so much more to enjoy.

Just take it out of the equation:  wants, unrequited desires, dissatisfactions, petty grievances, (or large ones) etc. Just take them out when you’re living.

While you’re being.

Unless you are in physical pain or danger…(deeper challenges FOR CERTAIN), cast away any thoughts of displeasure.

Breathe in enjoyment…..

Breathe out enjoyment…..

Breathe in enjoyment….

Breathe our enjoyment….

Nothing to be mad about.

Nothing to be stressed about (unless it’s REAL, and you all know what I’m talking about…), nothing to be disgruntled about, nothing to be afraid of.

Only the drive to live, to live, to LIVE!!!!!!!!!

Or not.

Whatever the case may be.

It certainly will be the case, eventually……that our form will change….

But while we’re here…(it’s so hard to get to but once you do it seems so obvious)…while we’re here in this stunning world…. Goddess KNOWS I AM NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THIS BUT let’s really

Be Here Now. (Thank you, Ram Dass). 🙂


Sea Spray, Tulum, Mexico 2009

Sea Spray, Tulum, Mexico 2009